Don’t let your past define you

I am a 40 year old woman who has spent the majority of my life living with self-doubt, insecurities, and even self loathing. For many years, I spent my energy punishing my body, my mind and my self-worth by starving myself, feeding my brain negativity and letting others use me.  I never felt smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough, good enough.  The worst part about it is that I believed that was all normal.  I wasn’t even aware of what I was doing.

I can remember hearing the slightest voice in my head, saying that I was meant for something more.  Unfortunately, I let all of the other voices over power that one and I pushed it way back. Instead I listened to what the outside world was filling my head with and closed my mind to any positivity for a long time.  That was apparent in my relationships in my early years.  I pushed any good man away and only committed myself to the ones that treated me like the trash I thought I was.

God had a plan

Right when I wasn’t looking, I was sent the man that would forever change my path and my life, my soulmate.  He was so good at building me up, he could see my potential even though I couldn’t yet.  He made my dreams come true when he gave me the gift of becoming a mother.  I thought that was my destiny, that is my greatness I was meant for.  When I became a mother, I finally felt like I was doing something right.

I poured my heart and soul into being a mother, not saving any time for myself, my friends or even my husband. It was my greatest gift but I was losing sight of so many of my other gifts.  God had sent me this man, these children not just to make me a mother but to teach me how to be a better person.  But I wasn’t listening.  I was still walking around with this self loathing, comparing myself to everyone else, wishing I were thinner, smarter, more talented, more creative, etc.  What kind of example was I setting for my children?

My purpose

I had spent years telling myself that it was okay to be average or less than.  But God was telling me something different.  He was trying to show me my purpose here on this earth but I kept ignoring him.  You know that little voice that whispers to you, daring you to do something scary?  That’s the voice you should listen to!  There is greatness on the other side of fear!

Average is just a mindset.  We all have a purpose on this Earth.  If you’re not fulfilling that purpose, then you’re living an average life.  It’s when you accept that purpose and start living it, that you become above average.  It’s not a matter of being better than someone else.  We are all equal in our abilities. We have different abilities, but they are all great.   It’s how we use our abilities that sets us apart.

The problem for me was that I didn’t think I had any special talents, abilities.  I always felt below average so how was I going to accomplish anything great.  When we become so focused on ourselves, we lose sight of our purpose.  My purpose is not about me!

Sharing my story

What I finally realized was that it was my story-the good, the bad and the ugly, that sets me apart.  I have been through many struggles in my life and they have made me who I am today. We all have obstacles to overcome.  How we act in the face of adversity is what will determine our future.  I use to lie down with my face in the sand when bad things happened in my life.  That just welcomed more struggles and certainly did nothing to help  me through them.  I lived in a state of self pity and that is no where fun to be!

It took some time and some intervention from God for me to change my focus.  I had way too many blessings in my life to be so focused on the negative all of the time.  And I was doing my family no favors by remaining in that state of mind.  Something had to change!

Taking care of me

Slowly I began to let go and start taking care of me.  It use to feel so selfish to leave my kids with my husband who had been working all day, so that I could go out for a run.  But it began to change me.  Finding something that was just for me, no one else, was giving me the confidence back that  I needed to be a better person.

My transformation didn’t happen overnight and it is still a work in progress.  But when I decided to start taking care of me, I started becoming more of the person I was meant to be.  I had lost sight of who I was and who I wanted to be.

God’s purpose for me

Over the years, I have made it a priority to spend time with God.  He is the one who is molding me into the person I’m meant to be.  He is the one who has given me a purpose and shown it to me.  Through Him, I have learned that my purpose is bigger than me.  I want to help others live up to their full potential.  He wants me pave the way for other mothers, showing them that they have greatness in them. Helping women find their confidence through health and fitness leads to finding their confidence in every other area of life.

I share my story through social media so that other women know that they are not alone.  Not everyone can or will relate to me and that’s okay.  I’m not here for them.  I know in my heart that there are women who have had some of the same struggles I have endured and I want them to know that they can overcome them.  There is more out there for them.  We are all born with greatness.  We just have to find the courage to bring it out!  My purpose is to help others find the courage to and start living up to their full potential.

 

Do you know a woman who needs to hear this?  Please share!